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how to grow the fuck up

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fairy-gawd-muva:

dont-touch-my-fandoms:

cartiercocaine:

wнαт тнe ғυcĸ ιѕ тнιѕ?

Elmo’s voice saying “I’ll fuck u up” is the best and worst thing ever

YO I SWEAR THIS SHIT IS TOO FUNNY😭🤣

help-mywife:

help, my wife got wine drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”

the-husbando:

twilightown:

CAUSE EVERY TIME WE TOUCH I GET THIS FEELING

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EVERY TIME WE KISS I SWEAR I COULD FLY

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CAN’T U FEEL MY HEART BEAT FAST, I WANT THIS TO LAST

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NEED YOU BY MY SIDE

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This is the closest gif that can really capture the utter chaotic energy that is released when people hear this song

alltheconstellationslooklikeyou:

“MAYBE IT’S NOT MY WEEKEND, BUT IT’S GONNA BE MY YEAR” I scream at 12 am with tears streaming down my face and a bottle of champagne in my hand. it has not been my year yet. it’s not even a weekend today is Thursday

princemetalthunder:
“ skrill-cosby:
“ drucila616:
“ How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court...

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

lolsorandy:

xcandyslice:

So I went to an art conference at my school. We discussed things there, like how colors can be very powerful and our subconscious picks up the subtlest of hints. Pixar’s UP was a very unforgettable example. The colors of UP had a lot to do with why we cried. You all know what I’m talking about, right??

Ellie’s death.

We were told that her color was pink. That’s why her hospital room had pinkish hue.

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And the next scene had strong pink hues. He misses her. I think it’s got strong colors because of her personality.

Also, It’s like her presence is still lingering.

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When he got home, only a small part of the frame (window on the right) has a pink hue as the sun is setting. By now, we know her presence is drifting away.

Mr. Fredricksen walks up the porch and goes into his house.

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And when he shuts the door, the final frame looks like this:

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Ellie is gone.

The entire frame is desaturated and cold because the warmth in Mr. Fredrickson’s life is gone.

And that’s another reason why this masterpiece is heart-wrenching. And that’s how powerful colors are in films.

Thanks, I hate it!